Ben came home this morning in the midst of an ugly scene. Katie was flipping out, and Mommy flipped out too. I think we were feeding off of each other. I raised my voice, she raised hers back. It was ridiculous and certainly not creating the loving, joyful atmosphere I so desire in our home. I wanted to leave and run Ben's errands for him so I could get away, but he wisely suggested that he take Katie with him and I stay home. And I am so glad he did. As soon as they left, Benjamin went down for a nap (and fell asleep pretty quickly with very little fuss!) and I was able to spend some time singing hymns, reading some Scripture and godly wisdom, and repenting. I really needed that time to refocus and regain the right perspective.
I wish it wasn't so easy to lose sight of the goal when the going gets tough in this (mostly beautiful) life as mom. How thankful I am that my Heavenly Father doesn't get exasperated and moody when I repeatedly and knowingly disobey. He is steadfast and unwavering in His love and tender mercy toward us, delighting always in His children and faithfully and lovingly administering discipline when we need it.
That's the kind of parent I want to be, mirroring the character of God to my children. I want them to look back and remember their mother as merciful, loving and compassionate--not harsh and easily irritated. May God give all of us the grace to mother our children without regrets--and may they all grow up to love and serve Him.
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind. Charity envieth not: charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil: rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth: beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, emphasis mine)