Friday, October 7, 2011

Six ways to love your husband when (even when you're exhausted)


"God's will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband (Genesis 2:18). After a wife's own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, nothing else should have greater priority. Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife's time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day." 
~The Excellent Wife, page 4 (emphasis mine)

As I spend my days (and nights!) caring for two young children, it can be hard to remember that my primary ministry is to my husband--not my children. My number one goal in life must be to be the best wife I can be for him, to the glory of God. This is what I'm called to--and truly, if you're striving to be the absolute best wife you can be, you'll probably do a good job with your children too.

Your husband loves you. He married you because he wanted to spend his whole life with you. And he deserves better than your worst at the end of a day of chasing babies. There may not be any way to avoid being tired at the end of the day. So, what can you do?

Here are a couple suggestions (and I'm totally preaching to myself here, too!):

::Take ten minutes before he comes home to freshen things up. It's doable! In just two minutes, you could brush your hair and change your shirt if it's covered in spit-up. Then, spend the rest of the 10 minutes picking up messes. If your children are old enough, enlist their help!

::Keep your room picked up. A few minutes per day of tidying can make a world of difference. When you get up in the morning, make your bed (as long as your husband isn't still in it!), pick up dirty clothes, and when you leave your room, take a couple things that don't belong (toys the children dragged in, the glass on the nightstand, etc.). A clean room is more relaxing. And, let's face it--it's more romantic, too.

::Don't unload on him. If I've learned anything in my 3 1/2 years of marriage, it's that men are not as chatty as women. While I definitely think you should keep an open line of communication with your husband, his first minutes home should not be filled with your complaints about the day.

::Make sure he has clean clothes. Doing a load of laundry every day or every other day isn't that much work. Making sure your husband has clean underwear, socks, and clothes to wear to work should be a top priority. Here are some of my tips for staying caught up on laundry.

::The way to a man's heart is through his belly. You may not have the time or energy for gourmet meals, but you are going to be eating something every day. Keep your husband's preferences in mind when preparing food rather than catering to your children's picky-ness. Having a menu plan is a lifesaver for me in this regard. If I plan our menus and make a list of everything we need, I know I have food on hand for a meal for Ben every evening.

::Remember the other way to his heart. You know what I'm talking about. Even when you're tired, it's really important to bless your husband in this way. Look forward to it. Make time for it. Enjoy it. Enough said.

I'd love to hear from y'all--especially the older, more seasoned wives among us. Any advice you can share for us younger women in the spirit of Titus 2 would be much appreciated!

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  1. We've been married for 10.5 years, blessed with 8 children, 5 of whom are still on earth with us (3 with whom I look forward to being reunited) and I love my husband MORE now than when I married him. Though there are moments when it seems easier to see all the things he doesn't do or could be doing, I try my best and pray daily to see and appreciate the wonderful husband and father that he truly is.

  2. Sierra: Thanks for your input! Having the right attitude can make all the difference, can't it? If I look for something to be upset about, I can always find it--we're all married to sinners! But, when I step back and look at the big picture, Ben is a wonderful husband and father and I have SO, SO much to be grateful for. :)

  3. Jenni: Thanks for stopping by! I really enjoyed clicking around your blog. :)

  4. Great reminder! Sad that we let jobs, daily duties, and LIFE distract us from one of the most important roles we will ever have.

  5. pboz: That's so true. Sometimes, things that seem urgent (but may not be) get in the way of things that are truly *important*--like nurturing our relationship with our husbands. Aside from our relationship with Christ, absolutely nothing matters more!

  6. After being married for 12 years. I found going on dates at least once a week keeps the romance alive.

  7. And encourage! when he screws up, don't make too much of a big deal about it, and then praise him when he does well. And if he's out of the house most of the time, and you can text on your plan, text encouragement all day. :D

  8. Thank you for this reminder. I've been feeling off-balance lately, and I think it is because I've been moving myself and the pregnancy to my priority instead of my husband.

  9. Jessica: Great advice. It's too easy to get all bent out of shape over the smallest things, but we really do need to focus on building up our husbands. I suspect most of us have a lot more to be grateful for than we have to complain about!

    Candace: I'm glad you were encouraged by the post. With the various woes (and excitements) of pregnancy, it's way too easy to set our duties to our husbands aside. While I'm sure he understand to an extent, it's certainly good to regain focus! :)

  10. I like these reminders thanks, amiga!